Surgery with an Ice cream Scoop

Well the dr. said I may be curable... The need to run some tests, the first of which would be putting me in a padded room for a week, as I'm taken off my meds, and wait for a seizure to come with wires glued to my head.... The if the tests are good, they will cut out the scar from the left side that is on the center of speech and memory.

Mitch has gone to spend time with his friend again, hasn't even asked me how it went, what they said, what might be done?

The dreams

The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again.

Sometimes i wish i could just find a way stone or a portal stone or any other number of different thing from the wheel that would let me leave this world. Let me get to the wolves.... LOL though i could never live up to what perrin is.... Rand has left me, and i could never quite figure out who matt was? That or could this even be the third age? Is there a chance that the world is safe and not going to be destroyed if we dont save it?

Will i find my falcon? Soaring on the wind?

And the Music Never Plays

Well now he's selling his guitars too. i understand they are his. He need the money. But one of them is unique, i've never seen one that looks like that before, since i brought it here from brazil as a gift for him. I dont know. My mom left for her trip today. Wont be back from brazil until April 4th. Mitch leaves tomorrow. I can sit here and listen to my music.

Tossed in a heap

Well he just told me how terrible his day was, so he's going to go spend some time with his female friend, have a drink. And I'll just stay here where I'm laying since I wasn't offered to come along

Logic/Emotion

The worst part is that even if my mind knows it's his right to do what he wants, live where he needs, be what he thinks, my heart is the one that still feels betrayal, abandonment, his selfishness, and both of our worthlessness for different reasons. The mind and heart will fight and fight and fight and neither of them will never win the battle, but they do hold different fields and unfortunately my heart hoes my face no matter how hard I try and wipe it blank

Just Smile.....

Well he's still packing, and just told me that he's going to take the flat screen tv with him... Yes he did buy it, yes he did say he is going to leave the one from his bedroom in the livingroom, but then he gets a little frustrated at me when I say yep that's fine whatever you would like to do and just try to keep walking away. I'm letting him take the PS3 for the same reason.... But start the first of April he is going to have to start paying me $65 a month for the iPhone he has. I don't know..... My arm is all healed up again and I don't know if I want to nick it again.

Packin

Well now he's packing everything that he's been gathering for 23 years to take with him... So he can run away and leave us to live his better life of money, women, friends, and freedom! I won't even say anything to him... It's his choice, I'll just let it sit inside, slowly eating away aty heart or dripping out if the pressure needs to be sliced out...

worn but loved

it just dawned on me what i have been feeling like..... its like the tiger, the teddy bear, Woody, and all the other old toys from all the kid movies where a new better toy is brought into the kids life.

My brother is moving out in 6 days, he's 1 year and 9 months younger, but he can drive, he has a person, he has friends, and he has a developing well paying job.... and im just a cripple, that has to be driven from place to place, bounces from lover to lover, shares his friends, and has been at walgreens for 6 years.

So now i'll just be like the doll, let him live on his life as i sit on the shelf. If he wants to play with his past he can take me down, shake off the dust then put me back. It will be over an hour for him to come get me..... why would he want to

Losing The Life

Well i dont care anymore. Mitch is leaving because its easier to live with alex, we are giving up the house because its falling apart and we cant afford it anymore, and i have no idea what treasures we will be able to save. I think im the only person that feels anything? Mitch is all shits & giggles, mom is getting ready to go to brazil again, and all that they ask me again is if im going to have another siezure since i look depressed?

I started cutting.

More like scratching?

Just a razor blade, one quick pass, barely even making a mark on the skin, and almost no blood coming out, not even an inch long, running parole to the veins not perpendicular. just to let the pain and anger out.

There are so many memories im going to lose, not just in my head.

Bert's walking stick, grandmother's statues, the list keeps going... so many things i wont be able to bring.

AND A 45 OR 60 MINUTE COMUTE!?!?!?