Logic/Emotion

The worst part is that even if my mind knows it's his right to do what he wants, live where he needs, be what he thinks, my heart is the one that still feels betrayal, abandonment, his selfishness, and both of our worthlessness for different reasons. The mind and heart will fight and fight and fight and neither of them will never win the battle, but they do hold different fields and unfortunately my heart hoes my face no matter how hard I try and wipe it blank

Just Smile.....

Well he's still packing, and just told me that he's going to take the flat screen tv with him... Yes he did buy it, yes he did say he is going to leave the one from his bedroom in the livingroom, but then he gets a little frustrated at me when I say yep that's fine whatever you would like to do and just try to keep walking away. I'm letting him take the PS3 for the same reason.... But start the first of April he is going to have to start paying me $65 a month for the iPhone he has. I don't know..... My arm is all healed up again and I don't know if I want to nick it again.

Packin

Well now he's packing everything that he's been gathering for 23 years to take with him... So he can run away and leave us to live his better life of money, women, friends, and freedom! I won't even say anything to him... It's his choice, I'll just let it sit inside, slowly eating away aty heart or dripping out if the pressure needs to be sliced out...

worn but loved

it just dawned on me what i have been feeling like..... its like the tiger, the teddy bear, Woody, and all the other old toys from all the kid movies where a new better toy is brought into the kids life.

My brother is moving out in 6 days, he's 1 year and 9 months younger, but he can drive, he has a person, he has friends, and he has a developing well paying job.... and im just a cripple, that has to be driven from place to place, bounces from lover to lover, shares his friends, and has been at walgreens for 6 years.

So now i'll just be like the doll, let him live on his life as i sit on the shelf. If he wants to play with his past he can take me down, shake off the dust then put me back. It will be over an hour for him to come get me..... why would he want to

Losing The Life

Well i dont care anymore. Mitch is leaving because its easier to live with alex, we are giving up the house because its falling apart and we cant afford it anymore, and i have no idea what treasures we will be able to save. I think im the only person that feels anything? Mitch is all shits & giggles, mom is getting ready to go to brazil again, and all that they ask me again is if im going to have another siezure since i look depressed?

I started cutting.

More like scratching?

Just a razor blade, one quick pass, barely even making a mark on the skin, and almost no blood coming out, not even an inch long, running parole to the veins not perpendicular. just to let the pain and anger out.

There are so many memories im going to lose, not just in my head.

Bert's walking stick, grandmother's statues, the list keeps going... so many things i wont be able to bring.

AND A 45 OR 60 MINUTE COMUTE!?!?!?

lol these are cool too

Gay Men T Shirts, Gay Online T Shirts | Mogo Nutrition T Shirts

so thinking about these for XXX-mas gifts

hmmm that was a long time

Must have been back when my sex life ended, been a long time now, but I'm back, me and my friend called it quits because he felt we were becoming to serious eve though we weren't a couple? I don't know? Well I'm back on the field trying the waters, lets see how it goes. LOL i think i have had 3 or 4 seizures this whole time.